


Kourio: Find your soulmate

by KittyCona



Category: South Park
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Help, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Tagging, Multi, One Shot Collection, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Teen Romance, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-10-20 16:54:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20678732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyCona/pseuds/KittyCona
Summary: Have you tried Kourio yet? No? Why not? How do you expect to find your soulmate without it??Old name: South Park HighschoolIgnore the first chapter. Please and thank you. It's just the original prompt that was changed.I'm kind of scared to delete it and mess with everything too much so it's staying-





	1. Chapter

**Author's Note:**

> I expect no requests. This is bad.

╭┉┉┅┄┄┈•◦ೋ•◦❥•◦ೋ

~░S░o░u░t░h░ ░P░a░r░k░ ░H░i░g░h░~

•◦ೋ•◦❥•◦ೋ•┈┄┄┅┉┉╯

➤Start

Settings

Exit

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅Loading⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Choose your character!

Eric Cartman

Kyle Broflovski

➤Stan Marsh

Kenny Mccormick

Butters Stotch

Craig Tucker

Clyde Donovan

Token Black

Tweek Tweak

Jimmy Valmer 

Wendy Testaburger 

Bebe Stevens

Damien Thorn

Pip Pirrup

You chose, Stan Marsh, is this correct?

➤Yes 

No

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅Loading⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙ 

Welcome to South Park high! :)

South Park high is a dating sim with many different routes and endings! You can try for just about any South Park ship you want even if you aren't playing as a character in the ship! Your goal is to get a date to the dance before Friday comes around as that will be your last chance! There are many ways for you to achieve this goal, but be careful! For if you do not achieve this goal, you get the bad ending and will have to start all over again!

Would you like a tutorial?

Yes

➤No

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅Loading⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙


	2. Intro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was mainly set up for some Staig. But I'll just leave that for the next chapter.
> 
> This kind of strains away from the prompt in the first chapter and that's because someone said they saw something like it before so I made changes. The basic premise of having a ship and getting it's best route will stay the same though. It also still takes place in highschool.

_"Find your soulmate with the all new 'Kourio' chip implant!"_

_"Head to your local doctor and get the 'Kourio' chip implant! You won't regret it"_

_"Thousands of people of finding their soulmates with the 'Kourio' chip implant! Join that number of people today!"_

_"The 'Kourio' chip implant let's you date multiple people till you find the one you like the most!"_

"All your friends are using the 'Kourio' chip implant, why don't you?"

"The 'Kourio' chip implant can now be shipped to your house with instructions on how to use it! Order one today!"

* * *

Stan was laying in bed listening to music when it happened. He heard a knock at the door, some running, and then a squeal from who he was assuming was his older sister. Confused, Stan got out of bed and went to see why his sister was so ecstatic. He went down the stairs to be greeted with Shelly literally tearing a box open. 

"What's got you so excited?" He asked. Somehow that earned him a glare.

"It's the 'Kourio' chip implant, obviously!" Was the response Stan got. He watched as his sister went back to destroying her package. She grabbed the instructions and unfolded them so fiercely Stan was worried that the paper was going to possibly rip apart. Luckily it didn't-he didn't feel like dealing with his sister raging over it. 

Stan cautiously stepped closer wanting to get a better look at the product his sister was gushing over. Honestly he found the thing to be stupid. Who needs a piece of technology to find a lover for them? Apparently just about everyone in the world since one can not walk down the street without seeing people with those things on their neck. Even couples have them! And not just ordinary couples-married ones! It's not like the chips aren't removable, the doctor's tell you they are, the instructions say they are, the website says they are. Are people that lazy or do they know that the relationship they are in isn't going to last? 

Stan couldn't help but roll his eyes at the thought of it all. It's all just so fucking dumb. Or is he the dumb one for not agreeing with over half the population? Or maybe he's just mad because his dad got one and that caused his mom to get angry. She then got one and now they might divorce. If anything that stupid little chip is causing more existing couples to break up in favor of 'finding their soulmate' then it is actually getting people to hook up. Because guess what? From what he seen people get together because of the chip then one of them is like 'I wanna see my other options, you weren't what I expected'. And of course they aren't! It's a piece of technology, it's not going to get the personality of your "soulmate" exactly correct. Especially if it prides itself on only showing you a 'good ending'.

Like what are these people expecting? Especially those one who somehow-their soulmate is their bully? Do they think that if they tell said bully 'Hey! Kourio told me that you're my soulmate' that the bully will then just stop billing them?? That's just complete and utter bullshit in Stan's mind.

Stan was taken out of his thoughts by his sister yelling at him, "Earth to stupid ass turd! I need you help with this!" Shelly was holding what seemed to be a marker out for him to take. He reluctantly took it and waited for further instructions. He watched as his sister turned her head a little so the side of her neck was exposed. "I need you to draw a circle for me, make sure it's the size of this chip" she held up the infamous 'Kourio' chip for him to see. Stan just nodded and got to work. His sister didn't make it easy for him though, she kept flinching and sometimes giggling because it tickled slightly. Soon enough Stan managed to finish. He was then handed a wipe of some sort and told more instructions.

This little step by step process was continued until finally, he was handed the chip. "Are you sure about this Shelly? I'm not sure abo-" he was cut off, "Just shut up and do it you nerd!" Stan sighed and did as told putting the chip in. His sister started shaking trying to get away but Stan kept her in place having been told to do so by her during the step by step process. He held the chip in place doing his best to not let his sister get away for a good five minutes before finally letting go.

His sister rubbed at her neck, a smile blooming on her face as she realized the job was done and she could start finding her soulmate. Before she left to go to her room, she grabbed another chip out from the package and handed it to Stan. "Here," she stated as she did. "Maybe you can finally get yourself a date that won't constantly break your heart" Stan knew Shelly was referring to Wendy. Stan and Wendy had both ended their relationship during middle school. They're still good friends, which he is happy for. 

Now of course, there was no way Stan was going to use the chip but he nodded and smiled anyway. "Sure" he agreed playing along. He didn't get a reply, probably because Shelly just wanted to lock herself in her room and find herself her soulmate. He watched Shelly run up the stairs then looked at the mess she had left for him to fix. Great.

* * *

It was the next day, Stan was currently at school-lunch to be exact. He was waiting for his friend group to arrive so they could have their daily conversations. 

It didn't take long for Kyle, Stan's super best friend, to show up. He sat down and almost immediately Stan's eyes landed on Kyle's neck.

_Oh god_, Stan thought.

_Kyle has one of those Kourio chips._

Stan was so busy with staring down the chip that he wasn't even paying attention to Kyle. It didn't take long for Kyle to take note of this, he hit Stan on the head lightly to catch the noirette's attention. This earned a little "Ow, what the fuck man?" from Stan.

"You seemed to be focused on the chip more than me so I needed to catch your attention some how" Kyle explained followed by a few giggles.

Stan laughed too for no reason in particular. "Why do you have one of those anyway? I thought you didn't like them?" He questioned. The fact that Kyle had one didn't bother him too much, what mainly bothered him was that Kyle didn't tell him that he got one straight away.

"Stole it from Ike" Kyle said. The redhead took a moment to take a bite of his sandwich that he brought with him for lunch before continuing. "Thought it'd be fun to try it out, and there's so much more to it then I thought." Stan nodded as Kyle explained.

"I do have one complaint though, It kept repeatedly giving me you. The only time it didn't was the first time-but that was because I had it set only to girl soulmates" Kyle continued to rant on and on about the experience. At some point Kenny and Cartman came and sat down but neither Stan nor Kyle noticed since they were so deep in the conversation.

"What I didn't expect was the option to have sex with your soulmate. I turned it on then tried it out, got you again. Don't know if it got your dick length correct but that doesn't really matter. It's not like you topped, I put in that I'm a top and for fun that you're a bottom...So yeah"

Ok. That part made Stan actually almost choke on the water he was drinking. "What the fuck dude??" He questioned. He couldn't believe it-Kyle topped?? Stan shook his head. No. He should be more concerned that Kyle even used the sex option.

Kyle only laughed again. "You should try it dude-not the sex part exactly-but just the whole thing in general. It's fun. And it's not like you have to date the person it gives you"

"I-..I'll consider it" Stan stated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for any spelling mistakes. I read it over multiple times and fixed anything I saw. I'm not perfect though and probably missed multiple errors.

**Author's Note:**

> If you do make a request, you can just ask for any ship! I'll write their "best route"


End file.
